18 April, 2006

OK, the thing about the blue chick

So now I feel obligated to explain what happened at the X-Men party, I don't owe anyone an explanation for my behavior, but I think that people should know what really went down. I would hate to see my reputation sullied in such an awful manner.

So Jon and I are in his Danger Sled heading to the mansion, and I'm letting Jon fly just like the Green Hornet lets Kato drive the Black Beauty and he's telling me about the X-Men.

"The X-Men are so cool!" he says. "They all have these cool powers and they're all like 'I'm the best at what I do, baby, and I'm gonna mess you up but good!' And then they use their powers to totally kick the bad guy's butt!"

"Hmm," I replied. "That sounds very interesting."

"Yeah, I tried to become an X-Man once," Jon continued. "Except that they told me that I had to get a mutant power and stuff, and so I was like 'Yeah, but I do have a mutant power, man,' and they're like 'No way, man!' and I was like 'Uh huh, so step off!' and they were like 'No, you step off!' and so instead of me being an X-Man, we just team up sometimes."

"Oh yes," I said to Jon. "I am very sure that's how it happened."

"So anyway," Jon says. "They got all these beautiful women and they're all angsty and alone in a world that doesn't understand them. And they're all hot, too! So hot that some of them even shoot fire!"

"Indeed," I say, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, and they're all the colors of the rainbow, man! They're red and green and blue and purple--"

"Wait," I interrupted. "Did you say blue and purple?"

"Aw yeah," Jon nodded. "They're are all kinds of blue and purple X-Men Women. Hot and cold running hot azure X-Men Women!"

"I am intrigued by this," I replied while stroking my chin. "I do believe that it would behoove me to introduce myself to one of these comely young ladies. Then slowly, to build a relationship, I will begin courting the most fetching one. Blue and/or purple has always been one of my favorite colors."

So we get there, and Jon lands his ship in the pool or something because he's just not too good with the landings and we go in and meet everyone at the party. I've met some of them before at the Great Mutant Race, but I haven't really had the chance to introduce myself to most of them. I got a drink and then saw my first blue mutant woman, well, her hair was blue anyways and I walked up to her and I said "Hi, I'm Private Hudson, I wish to be your gentleman caller for this evening."

But then she raised her fist and a glowing knife or something appeared and I thought OK, she's one of those kinds of women, so I moved on, got another drink and met the next lovely indigo gal.

"Hello," I said to her. "I am a very nice and charming gentleman, might I have this dance?" And then she said, very politely, no thank you not at this time.

So I finished my drink and got another and then I saw another one and another one, but they both politely declined my invitation to dance as well.

So finally, I see this good looking blue mutant lady with a tail and a real nice gymnast's body and I think Oh yeah, I like gymnasts. Time to go for the gold. And so I walk up to her and very politely ask her to dance. She totally accepted and so we went out onto the dance floor and I showed her my gentlemanly moves to the grooves of the Blue Danube. Get it? The Blue Danube! See, it's the small things like that that women really dig about the H-Man.

So she's really liking it and so I lean forward to get a kiss and then all of a sudden I fell kind of nauseated and I smelled smoke or something, then I found myself on a chandelier.

"How odd," I said to myself. "I seem to be stuck in the most unusual predicament."

And that's exactly how it happened.

49 Comments:

At 18/4/06 11:17, Blogger big joe said...

I'm so glad I only change green and grey an' not blue.

 
At 18/4/06 11:18, Blogger Wolverine said...

I hate ta break to ya bub but Nightcrawler's a man.

 
At 18/4/06 11:25, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

So, your claiming the "blue girl" you were flirting with was the time traveling/dimensional hopping Nocturne? Could be. She does get around. Alright Private, we'll play it your way.

BTW - Have you been taking allocution lessons in your time off?

 
At 18/4/06 11:33, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 18/4/06 14:23, Blogger Private Hudson said...

"Allocution" like I need to "allocate" more time to cleaning my M41A Pulse Rifle?

And yes, that is exactly how it happened.

 
At 18/4/06 18:41, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Allocution as in speaking with refined verbosity. Not part of the typical Colonial Marine training, I would think.

 
At 19/4/06 04:25, Blogger Private Hudson said...

Are you sure it's not what happens when you stick a fork in a 220 volt outlet?

 
At 19/4/06 10:17, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

I think that's called electrocution.

 
At 19/4/06 10:52, Blogger Pantha said...

Why is Jon speaking the way Hudson usually does... I dont think Jon talks like that

 
At 19/4/06 13:02, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Yeah, Hudson, how come you got me talking all goofy?

 
At 19/4/06 13:21, Blogger Private Hudson said...

Because, Jon, that's how you talked. Geez.

Professor, are you sure that you're not refering to a chain of islands in Alaska?

 
At 19/4/06 13:39, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

No, I believe that is the Aleutian Islands, previously known as the Catherine Archipelago.

 
At 19/4/06 14:41, Blogger Private Hudson said...

Hmmm. Then surely you must be taling about a breed of dog more commonly refered to as a German Shepherd.

 
At 19/4/06 15:32, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Actually, that breed is called Alsatian. You can tell the difference because the islands are static land masses surrounded by water while the dog will fetch a little red ball when you throw it.

 
At 19/4/06 15:37, Blogger Private Hudson said...

Uh, a blue-collar city in Pennsylvania/ Billy Joel song?

 
At 19/4/06 16:03, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

You mean . . Allentown?

 
At 19/4/06 17:07, Blogger Private Hudson said...

How about an assertion made by a party that must be proved or supported with evidence?

 
At 19/4/06 18:01, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Allegation?

 
At 19/4/06 19:17, Blogger Private Hudson said...

Either of two large reptiles, found in southeast United States and China, having sharp teeth and powerful jaws.

 
At 19/4/06 20:35, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

I think you are referring to the family alligatoridae, commonly known as the alligator.

 
At 19/4/06 22:00, Blogger Private Hudson said...

I think you're thinking of a body of electors chosen to elect the President and Vice President of the United States.

 
At 20/4/06 08:14, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

No, no. That's the electorate. It doesn't even start with an 'A'.

 
At 20/4/06 08:24, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Electocution begins with an E, though I don't think that Hudson knew that.

 
At 20/4/06 08:25, Blogger Private Hudson said...

Stay out of this, Jon.

OK, Professor, what about the representation of abstract ideas or principles by characters, figures, or events in narrative, dramatic, or pictorial form? A symbolic representative, like the blindfolded figure with scales represents justice.

 
At 20/4/06 13:49, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

That would be an allegory, from the Latin allegoria, to speak figuratively.

 
At 20/4/06 14:11, Blogger Private Hudson said...

Uh, French for "lark?"

 
At 20/4/06 14:21, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Alouette

 
At 20/4/06 14:30, Blogger Private Hudson said...

Um, how about a white sauce served on pasta?

 
At 20/4/06 15:48, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Hmmm, I think you're thinking of the alfredo sauce. However, I prefer the al forno in bianco. Delicious with a light white wine.

 
At 20/4/06 16:35, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 20/4/06 17:11, Blogger Private Hudson said...

OK, then what about the German poet and scientist who won the Nobel Prize in 1953?

 
At 20/4/06 19:23, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

That would be the world reknowned Hermann Staudinger, of course. Though that seems like a bit of a left turn.

 
At 21/4/06 06:55, Blogger Private Hudson said...

Nope.

 
At 21/4/06 08:11, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

There were 6 awards in 1953. The recepients were Hermann Staudinger, Winston Churchill, George Marshall, Frits Zernike, Hans Krebs and Fritz Lipmann. While it's true that most were from a Germanic country, Staudinger was the one who had published a book on poetry.

Game, set and match, my friend.

 
At 21/4/06 08:40, Blogger Private Hudson said...

Curse you, Professor Xavier, curse you and your giant and powerful brain!

I meant 1952, of course.

 
At 21/4/06 11:22, Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Why don't you give it up, Hudson? If you're trying to play "stump the dummy" against Proffesor X, then I don't think you're going to win.

 
At 21/4/06 11:24, Blogger Private Hudson said...

No way, man. It's game over for him!

 
At 21/4/06 13:22, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Hmm, the only German who won in 1952 was Albert Schweitzer. While he was indeed a well rounded fellow, he was more of a doctor than a scientist and I'm not aware that he wrote any poetry.

There was a scientist named Felix Bloch who won a prize, but he was actually Swiss, though he studied in Germany.

I have to say, I think you may have stumped me.

 
At 21/4/06 13:59, Blogger Private Hudson said...

No, you must be thinking about any of several large web-footed birds constituting the family Diomedeidae, chiefly of the oceans of the Southern Hemisphere, and having a hooked beak and long narrow wings.

 
At 21/4/06 14:13, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Well now you're just making up words.

Unless, of course, you are referring to the Albatross. ;-]

 
At 21/4/06 14:39, Blogger Private Hudson said...

I thought an Albatross was an province of western Canada.

 
At 21/4/06 15:02, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

I believe that's Alberta, actually, named after Princess Louise Caroline Alberta, the Duchess of Argyll.

 
At 21/4/06 15:57, Blogger Private Hudson said...

Now wasn't Princess Louise Caroline Alberta a person or animal lacking normal pigmentation, with the result being that the skin and hair are abnormally white or milky and the eyes have a pink or blue iris and a deep-red pupil?

 
At 21/4/06 17:58, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

No, no. That's an albino. Like Casper.

 
At 21/4/06 18:45, Blogger Private Hudson said...

Yeah, but she was in a super hero group during WWII, right?

 
At 21/4/06 21:28, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Well, Miss America was in the Invaders. As far as I'm concerned, they were the only ones fighting in WWII.

 
At 23/4/06 14:00, Blogger Casper said...

Did someone say my name??

 
At 23/4/06 17:46, Blogger Private Hudson said...

Er, well, I don't know if you were ever introduced to them, actually. They were a team that kind of became the Justice Society of America.

 
At 23/4/06 20:53, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Oh, you mean the Distinguished Competition. I did have a chance to meet some of those alternate Earth heroes during that whole Almalgam thing. I believe I did hear mention of a Stargirl.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home