28 December, 2005

Let me just explain exactly how bad I am.


It's a simple equation, really.

PVT. Hudson + An enemy = Game Over

I am the culmination of intense training and the right tools and I am a deadly Colonial Marine weapon with a razor-sharp tip. Just point my head at the enemy and let me go!

To prove how tough I am, I am willing to challenge anybody out there in any competition. But be warned, I have the strength of an Olympic weightlifter, the endurance of a marathon runner, and the tenacity of a Zergelian Pittbull. When I get my prey in my jaws, I don't let go. Game over for my prey. Game over.

I'll even let my opponent decide what we will compete with, be it fencing, marksmanship, running, or judo. The H-Man conquers all.

Like I said, I will take on all comers, with only a couple exceptions:

1. Nothing with flying. I'm a grunt, not some fancy pants flyboy.
2. No super humans or meta powered humans. That would be unfair, pitting me against someone with super strength or vast mental powers.
3. No chicks. Yeah, I dig all the women, but I just don't feel right beating them up.
4. No Xenomorphs. I am not scared of aliens, I just don't want some slimy bug spitting acid blood all over my nice utilities.
5. No giant bugs. Really, how am I going to compete against some ugly bug?
6. No tricks where you say "OK, it'll be just you and me" and then all your buddies jump in and tackle me and stuff. Totally unfair.
7. No human luge competition. Man, that just looks stupid. I'm not doing that.
8. No rubbing absinthe on your boxing gloves to knock me out in the middle of the bout.
9. No giant robots or cyborgs. Again, that would be unfair. A robot would have an unnatural advantage.
10. NO BUGS. I am not fighting bugs. Do not bring bugs, do not talk about bugs, do not even think the word bug.

So there you have it. That's my challenge. Many are called, few are chosen. Who wants the honor of taking on the H-MAN?

Yeah.

11 Comments:

At 28/12/05 14:23, Blogger Vampirella said...

"I have the strength of an Olympic weightlifter, the endurance of a marathon runner,"


really shame you said no women I had something in mind to test you on this especially the latter I am sure I can get Lt. Cmdr Oneida to help me but you said no women



sigh your lost....


back to my coffin NY party wanna come Lt. Cmdr Oneida

 
At 28/12/05 15:22, Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Sure, I'd love to come, but no boys allowed :P

Hudson, I realize that you are well aware that I could kick your but in just about anything, so I figure that you are hedging your bets by eliminating me, Vampirella, Dorme, Padme, Shira, etc.

Oh, I know why no girls, silly me. it's because the toughist people in your old unit were all women.

Intimidated by girls, who knew?

 
At 28/12/05 15:47, Blogger Private Hudson said...

Alright alright, sheesh.

I am willing to compete against women in some things, like Twister or figure skating. I can do a mean triple axle.

 
At 28/12/05 16:43, Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Hmm, twister might work. I say we take you to an arcade and make you do the dance dance revolution game, I'd challenge you in that.

 
At 28/12/05 19:07, Blogger Professor Xavier said...

I know several people who would like to take you up on your challenge, but I'm afraid they all have super-powers. I suppose if I could arrange for Leech to be present, then that would even things out. Leech's power is cancel out mutants' powers.

But I should warn you, all of my X-Men spend a lot of time training in the Danger Room. Even without powers, they can be quite formidable.

 
At 29/12/05 07:27, Blogger Master Yoda said...

Fight you I would, but too many rules you have.

Fight fair I do not.

 
At 29/12/05 08:06, Blogger Private Hudson said...

Yeah, I know Yoda. You'd be all like "Hey what's that over there?" and when I look to see what you're pointing at, you give me a Force wedgie.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 8 times, shame on me.

 
At 29/12/05 08:49, Blogger Vampirella said...

oneida no boys just some men willing to be slaves


we women are so much stronger than men
they know it they just dont admit to it


twister cool ....

dance revolution even better

 
At 29/12/05 12:07, Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Umm, as a member of the Republic Navy, I do have a wee problem with slavery, just FYI :)

 
At 29/12/05 15:06, Blogger Vampirella said...

well these guys want to be slaves

 
At 29/12/05 22:36, Blogger Vegeta said...

Ha ! Not worth my Time.

 

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