Game Over!

Read this sucka!

2007-05-14T10:41:00.000-05:00

Ha ha, I said "sucka!"

Hey!

2007-03-08T10:30:00.000-06:00

Whoa!

Hey!

Don't touch me!

Don't touch me!

Whoa!

Hey!

Don't touch me!

Hey!

Hey!

Don't touch me!

Don't touch me!

Hey!

Whoa!

Don't touch me!

La la la, la la la la, la la la la,
la la la la, la la la la, LA!

DON'T TOUCH ME!

Hunting Bugs sure does make me tired

2006-12-26T13:49:00.000-06:00

Gosh, I'm so tuckered out from shooting all these bugs. I think I'll just take a nap right here.

I am a Rock

2006-10-10T10:34:00.000-05:00

Read this.

2006-09-23T13:41:00.000-05:00

Oh come on, this just ain't right. What the heck is a Riot Grrl and where did the "i" go?

You Know Yer Indie. Let's Sub-Categorize.

You're a Riot Grrl. You love the rockin' sound of loud women, and rightfully so. You're probably an activist of some sort. And yes, you're right, not all Riot Grrls are lesbians. Just most.
Take this quiz!

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What the ---?!!

2006-09-12T10:39:00.000-05:00

This thing is so wrong.

You Are a Rainbow

Breathtaking and rare
You are totally enchanting and intriguing
But you usually don't stick around long!

You are best known for: your beauty

Your dominant state: seducing

What Type of Weather Are You?

Here's a quiz for you

2006-09-07T15:38:00.000-05:00

Q. What's badder than a fully trained Colonial Marine?

A. A Colonial Marine wearing a cape.

2006-08-31T15:29:00.000-05:00

I saw an odd little monkeyboy just sitting all by himself.

“Hey little fella,” I said as I leaned down towards him and held out my hand. “Are you lost?”

The little creature snapped at me and howled.

“Hey! What’s with the snappity snappity?” I demanded.

The monkeyboy howled again and threw a rotten banana at me.

“What th--! That’s disgusting! What are you throwing crud at me for?”

The monkeyboy howled again and leapt at my face. I struggled with the crazy animal/boy, trying to keep his claws and sharp teeth off my face.

Finally I pulled him off and with my superior strength and intellect; I threw him across the floor.

“That’ll teach ya, ya stupid varmint!” I shook my fist very angrily at him.

The monkeyboy stared at me silently for a minute, then he plunged two of his dirty, banana-smeared fingers into his mouth and produced the most annoying, shrillest whistle I have ever heard.

“What was that for?” I asked. He just sat there and looked at me. Stupid monkeyboy.

All of a sudden I heard loud screeching. I turned around and saw a squadron of mad monkeyboys bearing down on me. Several dove on my all at once, followed by many more. They pulled my hair, scratched my face, and tried to bite my ears.

Utilizing my previously mentioned superior strength and intelligence, I fought the creatures off and threw them all across the room one by one.

“You stupid animals! What are you attacking me for?” I yelled. “I’ve never done nothing to you.”

The minute monsters all howled in unison and leapt at me again. I had no choice, this was going downhill faster than Aunt Tilda in a pinewood box car. They forced my hand and contained within that hand was 95 rounds of 10mm x24 fury. That’s right, game over, I had my M41A Pulse Rifle.

I fired at their feet at first, just to back them up, but they didn’t take the warning. They howled and leapt at me in unison. I fired at them.

Dozens of rounds flew out of my barrel in three round bursts. Chunks of flesh tore away from the attacking monsters and they crumpled to the ground dead or mortally wounded. Still more leapt.

“Come on! Come on! Come get some!” I yelled through the loud chattering of my automatic fire. “Yeah! Come on! Come on! Bring it! Oh you want some? Here’s a little something for you! Here’s some for you, too! And here’s some for you and you and you!”

Monkeyboys dropped to the ground. The floor was littered with their bodies. Still more of these things leapt at me. Where were these guys coming from?

Firing at my assailants, I retreated backwards to provide myself better aim. Suddenly, I bumped against something; it was a wall that I hadn’t noticed before. This was helpful as I could cover my sinewy backside while still keeping these things off.

I must have bumped a switch or something because a computer panel popped up right next to me. The monsters were still attacking, I was still firing, but with my left hand, I started punching buttons on the panel.

“Program paused,” came a calm, almost familiar female voice.

I saw another panel to my other side. I pushed it and a door slid open. I stepped out and looked around.

Darn that Trunks! I was trapped in a closet – trapped in his closet. A holodeck or something to boot.

OK, where did everybody go?

Bugs everywhere, man! Get 'em off! Get 'em off!

2006-08-21T05:36:00.000-05:00

I was surrounded by bugs, they kept coming at me and I kept firing at them. From my shoulder, my M41A Pulse Rifle chattered away, the rounds flew forth like bees from a hive. Bees of death spewing from a hive of destruction.

95 rounds and 10 grenades. Reload.

95 rounds and 10 grenades. Reload.

Vampirella was yelling something at me, Murri was flying all around, blasting the bugs from the skies. Finally, I snapped to just enough to hear what Vampirella was shouting.

"Hudson, grab three skulls and tails of some of the ones that have been killed and head out of the structure!" She yelled, barely able to stand. "I have to find Miari."

Ew, body parts of the Xenomorphs were all around me and I didn't want to touch those things. There was goo and acid blood all over, nonetheless, I started collecting parts and shoving them into my acid blood-resistant rucksack.

At this point for some reason, my USCM commlink started pinging. It was a message from some woman I never met named Oike Dokee or something. She tagged me with a meme:

1. Grab the nearest book: The United Space Colonial Marine Corps Drill and Ceremonies Manual
2. Open the book to page 123 Check
3. Find the fifth sentence. Roger
4. Post the text of it and the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions. Affirmative:

c. Formations used by the company are line, column (of threes, etc..), mass, extended mass, and column of platoons in line. In all these formations, the platoons which comprise the company will either be in line (each squad forming one rank) or in column (each squad forming one file). The company may also form column of twos or files in a manner similar to that prescribed for a platoon, in which case the platoons are arranged as in column, except that each platoon is in column of twos or files. Formation of the company for drills and ceremonies, to include posts of officers and key noncommissioned officers, are shown in figures 9-1 through 9-5.

5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest. Wilco
6. Tag three people ... Confirmed. Jon, Magdelina, Pantha.

With that nasty bit of business out of the way, I can continue on with my mission.

Things have quieted down just abit, the rushes from the bugs have dwindled. They always keep coming until they can't anymore, but maybe their numbers are too depleted for them to put up a fight. Then I looked back and I saw something that I haven't ever seen before...

"Bill? Behind us?" Vampirella was trying to draw my attention to it.

"Um Vampi, that is new! I never seen a Xenomorph quite like that!" I yelled back. I didn't dare take my eyes off it.

"What do you mean you have never seen one like that?" she yelled almost frantically.

"I mean I haven't ever seen a bug like that before!" I yelled again. It almost looked like a hybrid. Like some sort of cross between two dangerous aliens or something. "It doesn't matter, I'll take care of 'im!"

I raised my rifle and pointed it right at the creature. Breathing out carefully, I squeezed the trigger.

Click.

Bugs, bugs everywhere

2006-08-17T17:19:00.000-05:00

I was explaining LV-426 to Vampirella and Trunks. It was horrible. We were surrounded by the most horrrible, horrific, horrifying terror that you could imagine. The LT was down, the Sarge was down, most of the squad was down and Corporal Hicks was in charge. We were holed up in one of the rooms when hundreds of Xenomorphs rushed us.

"How did you survive, William?" Vampirella asked. Normally, I would've loved it if she called me "William," but not right now.

"There was an explosion," I answered. "Sounded like, nah it was an M41A, I heard the rounds and the grenade launcher, I was able to get free, the aliens were running to the sound. Who ever it was... there was nothing I could do. Everything was exploding… I tried to get to the ship, hoping Bishop had succeeded but I was cut off... I knew I was running out of time… It was about to be game over… Then I got lucky, a small ship, one man, escape pod type… A real piece of crap, I took off man… The planet went BOOM and I thought game over man but I was picked up and rescued..."

I kept talking, but I'm not sure if I told the truth. I'm not sure if I even know the truth. All I know is that it was the single most horrifying experience in my life and I relive it every night in my dreams.

We got to the planet and I could tell they were there. I could smell 'em, and they were waiting. I wanted to get out and stomp every single last one of them for what they did to me, but I couldn't move a muscle. Vampirella and Trunks quickly got off the ship. Trunks is full of three things: bluster, bravado, and himself. He's like all the bullies that I've met in my time except for one thing, he's got the powers to back up his mouth. I hope so, he is about to encounter the bugs.

"Hudson," Vampirella called. "Are you coming?"

"Uh, yeah sure," I answered. "Uh... the ship..." I said something else, I don't remember. I couldn't move.

"Moron," Trunks sneered.

"At least I'm not named after a swimsuit," I growled back under my breath. I don't think he heard me, though. I may have to shoot him when this is all over.

Watching training

2006-08-14T11:24:00.000-05:00

In the Colonial Marines, you have to be tough, you have to be rough, you have to be frosty. We spend a lot of time training. If we're not on a mission, then our time is spent getting physical, sweaty and dirty, drilling all the time. Never ending.

I was looking out at a pair of female marines who were sparring with different hand-to-hand combat techniques. They were giving each other quite a workout, if I were quoting some of my pals from Xavier's Institute, I would say that no quarter was asked, none given. But I'm not, so I won't.

During their exercise, I watched them go the motions and I started to think about the corps. My home. Women here are expected to pull their weight just as much as the men, they pilot the dropships, crew the smartguns, and do everything else that a man can. In fact, I know some who can do more.

I think about Vasquez, she was one tough broad. She could rip your leg off and force feed it to you and all you could do is sit there and say "Yum, can I have more, please?" We were on the same squad when we went to LV-426. Oh man, LV-426 was hell, sometimes I wonder how I even got out of there alive.

Those creatures were horrible, I often wake up in a cold sweat from their dual-jawed mouths snapping at me in my dreams.

"Private!" My squad leader's yell snapped me out of my daze.

"Sir?" I answered.

"You have some visitors," he answered and walked away.

I looked to see who was here to see me, I couldn't believe it, though.

"Vampi?"

Oh my god it's worse than I thought!

2006-08-01T09:17:00.000-05:00

They're golfing now, too!

Let's rock!

2006-07-14T10:10:00.000-05:00

“Let’s go kick some bug butt!” I whooped. I was pumped up and ready for a fight. I was frosty. Just to prove it, I pumped the grenade launcher slung under my M41A Pulse Rifle. I had 95 rounds in the clip and 10 grenades. I am more than a match for anything that I’ll encounter on the Astro Plane.

“I have Storm and Pantha warming up the X-Jet,” Cyclops said.

Cool, I thought. We’re going to attack the Astro Plane from the X-Jet. Maybe connect to it and board the thing to stop the bugs and save the day.

“But we don’t need a jet to get to the Astral Plane,” Sage answered with a perturbed huff. “It’s a parallel dimension.”

A what?

“Duh! I know that,” Cyclops answered. “That’s why we’re here. Let’s go!”

Sage and Beast quickly complied with Cyclops’s order and started up the machine that would take us there. I tried to jump first to take up the point, like a good Colonial Marine should, but everyone stepped in front of me. That’s OK, protecting the rear in a formation is just as important.

I jumped through the archway and immediately my head started spinning. I felt like everything around me was fading into some sort of dream or memory. I looked at my hand and it was a real as it ever was, though. I then looked at my rifle. Yep, she’s still there, too. I’m ready for anything that comes my way.

“OK, what’s the op?” I asked. “We get in and shoot this place to hell, then rescue the old bald dude, right? Game over for whatever’s in our way, man. I am ready to kick butt and chew Fruit Stripe gum, and I left my gum in my other cargo pocket.”

“What is that idiot babbling about?” asked the hot chick with the sash. I dig hot chicks with sashes.

“He’s got a gun,” answered Icee Man.

“That’s right,” I answered. “I’ve got a gun and I know how to use it. I am the ultimate weapon. I am a Colonial Marine Private with an M41A Pulse Rifle.”

The two hairy guys just kind of growled at that. It’s the truth, though-- I am as bad as I wanna be.

“I’m ready, man!” I yelled to pump up the troops around me. “Check it out. I am the ultimate badass! State of the badass art! You do NOT want to eff with me. Check it out! Hey everybody, don't worry. Me and my squad of ultimate badboys will protect you! Check it out! Independently targeting particle beam phalanx. Whoa! Fry half an airplane with this puppy. We got tactical smart missiles, phase-plasma pulse rifles, RPGs, we got sonic electronic ball breakers! We got nukes, we got knives, sharp sticks—”

I looked up at what loomed in front of us.

“... mommy...?”

2006-07-07T11:22:00.000-05:00

Well, Magdelena kind of ruined the surprise over at Last Gladiator Standing, but I have a new book coming out, published by Sinewco Publishing House. A few advanced copies got out to some nice old ladies at the bingo parlor, you know to get the buzz going, get people on the street talking about it. My buddy Jon got one, too. I don't know if he's actually read it or not, though.

So anyway, there I was at the Book, Bath and Beyond signing copies for all my fans and this punk comes strutting up to me acting all tough and says "Ha ha, the women who loved you? What is it, a bunch of blank pages?"

I was so mad, I jumped up right there and yelled "Shut up you punk kid! If your dad wasn't here, I'd kick your ass! I'm gonna find where you live and napalm your bedroom!"

That showed him.

Jo Jo, Portrait of a Sidekick Monkeyboy

2006-06-27T21:19:00.000-05:00

Jo Jo, Portrait of a Sidekick Monkeyboy is a movie like no other. It is a movie that almost defies description. Almost.

As many people know, Jo Jo had a short but brilliant career as a sidekick, culminating with his work for Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator and the Intergalactic Gladiator Entertainment. There he aided Jon until his untimely face disintegration.

The movie itself begins with Jo Jo's catchy theme song, then follows up with his unmistakable and hilarious catchphrase "Howya doin' buauuuuth" (imagine the word "boss" stretched out and altered into it's funniest form), from there it gets a little odd because there's absolutely nothing happening for fifteen minutes after that. I quickly realized that it was an invite for everyone watching to pipe in with his or her own catchphrase. I haven't seen great audience interaction like that since Shock Treatment.

From there, it quickly runs through his humble beginnings, then settles in on his exciting escapades as a sidekick. He does some really neat things, like outrunning explosions, saving spaceships from exploding, outracing explosions, saving heroes, fighting giant monsters, creating explosions, and all other kind of sweet stuff.

Jo Jo outruns an explosion!

This movie was written by Jo Jo the Monkeyboy's father, Jo Jo the Monkeyboy Sr., and his love for his son really shows in this movie. While the exciting moments will really rock you, the tender moments will move you as well. I think probably if there is one person in the whole galaxy that really understands a monkeyboy, it would be his father. This guy gets it, and it works, and that's really nice.

Jo Jo outruns a boulder!

I have to say this movie isn't perfect, it's tough sometimes. There is a scene where Jo Jo is with a squad of troops who are all firing their pulse rifles at a giant bug on a ship (ugh, I hate giant bugs) and one of the guys fires 104 rounds from his weapon. As everyone knows, the M41A Pulse Rifle has a capacity of 99 rounds (though usually only 95 are put in to prevent jamming). Despite this glaring error, the scene is fairly exciting. You'll literally be on the edge of your seat at the end of it.

This movie works, it really works on all of the levels you want. It has the excitement of a summer blockbuster and the depth of a Garry Marshall movie. If you see only one movie about a dead monkeyboy sidekick written by his father and bankrolled by an executive in the IGE, make sure it is this one.

I give it 84 rounds.

I had a strange dream last night

2006-06-19T14:44:00.000-05:00

I had the strangest dream last night. A Xenomorph wanted to kiss me. What could this mean?

My Battle Cry!

2006-06-06T07:05:00.000-05:00

I totally got this from Jon. That suits me to a T. Game over.

Not Last Gladiator Standing

2006-05-30T17:15:00.000-05:00

As everyone now sees, I am not competing in Last Gladiator Standing. Jon begged me to participate, he said "Hudson, pal," he said. "Last Gladiator Standing needs real superstars. Not these watered down wanna-be's like some old starship captain or faceless clone. We need you Hudson."

"I just can't do it," I answered. "It wouldn't be fair to anyone else at all."

"How so?" asked Jon with a puzzled look on his face.

"Because, Jon, I would simply beat everyone at every challenge. Hands down. End of story. Game over."

"I remain skeptical," Jon harrumphed skeptically. "What would make you the Last Gladiator Standing?"

"Because I am a gladiator."

"What?"

"Well not in name, title, or recognized by any intergalactic gladiating governing body, or even by the general public, but the blood of the gladiator runs deep in my veins."

"What?"

"Trace my lineage back," I insisted. "You'll see plenty of gladiators..."

What happens next? Read it here.

My sordid past - revealed!

2006-04-25T07:47:00.000-05:00

For the love of all that is holy, please don't click this link.

I was young. I needed the money. I am not a fish head tickler.

OK, the thing about the blue chick

2006-04-18T07:02:00.000-05:00

So now I feel obligated to explain what happened at the X-Men party, I don't owe anyone an explanation for my behavior, but I think that people should know what really went down. I would hate to see my reputation sullied in such an awful manner.

So Jon and I are in his Danger Sled heading to the mansion, and I'm letting Jon fly just like the Green Hornet lets Kato drive the Black Beauty and he's telling me about the X-Men.

"The X-Men are so cool!" he says. "They all have these cool powers and they're all like 'I'm the best at what I do, baby, and I'm gonna mess you up but good!' And then they use their powers to totally kick the bad guy's butt!"

"Hmm," I replied. "That sounds very interesting."

"Yeah, I tried to become an X-Man once," Jon continued. "Except that they told me that I had to get a mutant power and stuff, and so I was like 'Yeah, but I do have a mutant power, man,' and they're like 'No way, man!' and I was like 'Uh huh, so step off!' and they were like 'No, you step off!' and so instead of me being an X-Man, we just team up sometimes."

"Oh yes," I said to Jon. "I am very sure that's how it happened."

"So anyway," Jon says. "They got all these beautiful women and they're all angsty and alone in a world that doesn't understand them. And they're all hot, too! So hot that some of them even shoot fire!"

"Indeed," I say, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, and they're all the colors of the rainbow, man! They're red and green and blue and purple--"

"Wait," I interrupted. "Did you say blue and purple?"

"Aw yeah," Jon nodded. "They're are all kinds of blue and purple X-Men Women. Hot and cold running hot azure X-Men Women!"

"I am intrigued by this," I replied while stroking my chin. "I do believe that it would behoove me to introduce myself to one of these comely young ladies. Then slowly, to build a relationship, I will begin courting the most fetching one. Blue and/or purple has always been one of my favorite colors."

So we get there, and Jon lands his ship in the pool or something because he's just not too good with the landings and we go in and meet everyone at the party. I've met some of them before at the Great Mutant Race, but I haven't really had the chance to introduce myself to most of them. I got a drink and then saw my first blue mutant woman, well, her hair was blue anyways and I walked up to her and I said "Hi, I'm Private Hudson, I wish to be your gentleman caller for this evening."

But then she raised her fist and a glowing knife or something appeared and I thought OK, she's one of those kinds of women, so I moved on, got another drink and met the next lovely indigo gal.

"Hello," I said to her. "I am a very nice and charming gentleman, might I have this dance?" And then she said, very politely, no thank you not at this time.

So I finished my drink and got another and then I saw another one and another one, but they both politely declined my invitation to dance as well.

So finally, I see this good looking blue mutant lady with a tail and a real nice gymnast's body and I think Oh yeah, I like gymnasts. Time to go for the gold. And so I walk up to her and very politely ask her to dance. She totally accepted and so we went out onto the dance floor and I showed her my gentlemanly moves to the grooves of the Blue Danube. Get it? The Blue Danube! See, it's the small things like that that women really dig about the H-Man.

So she's really liking it and so I lean forward to get a kiss and then all of a sudden I fell kind of nauseated and I smelled smoke or something, then I found myself on a chandelier.

"How odd," I said to myself. "I seem to be stuck in the most unusual predicament."

And that's exactly how it happened.

Hudson Detective Agency

2006-04-05T13:49:00.000-05:00

Well well well, Jon's been solving some crime of the century over on his blog, leaving me with little to do around here.

Well that's OK, though, because you and Jon may not know it, but I am a master detective in my own right. Check this out:

Yep so I've got a pretty nice caseload to choose from. I am not sure where to begin.

Case 1: Which individual is responsible for allowing the canines a point of egress?

Case 2: Which individual perpetrated the unauthorized removal of a small, flat, sweetened snack containing chocolate chips from its standard confinement container?

Case 3: Which individual is responsible for the misappropriation of the (typically) Christian holiday celebrated on December 25?

Case 4: For what reason would female waitpersons, employed at certain eating facilities, consistently refer to you as a sweet yellowish or brownish viscid fluid produced by various bees from the nectar of flowers and used as food?

So there are my four choices, which case should I take?

Tagged!?

2006-03-17T14:50:00.000-06:00

Favorite Chocolate (Dark, White, Milk): I like 'em all, there are times when a guy's a little down and the only thing that can help is chocolate.

Favorite Pizza Toppings: Steak and potato.

Favorite Food Question (It's obligatory that every quiz ask this): Anything in a brown plastic bag or from an autochef.

Favorite Cheese Type: Fermunda.

Favorite "Pirate" Word or Phrase: I don't like space pirates. If I saw one, I'd probably have to shoot him.

Favorite Music Genre: Military.

Favorite Music Artist: Twisted Soldier.

What are you listening to now?: "Stay Frosty" by Twisted Soldier.

Favorite Movie Genre: Bug killin' movies.

Favorite Movie: That one where all those military dudes totally kill all those bugs, and that one was like "Game over, man," and he shot a bug. What was that movie called? Princess Diaries or something.

Favorite TV show: Major Dad.

Favorite Console Game: Motion tracker.

Favorite Computer Game: The Sentry Gun program.

Favorite Board Game: Shoots and Lifepods

Ever play Dungeons and Dragons?: No, I did play game called Stockades and Serpents, though.

Where are the Cheetos?: Ask the Autochef.

Can I have a Mountain Dew?: That sounds unsanitary, caribou pee all over the mountain.

Believe in some sort of higher power?: You mean like the Joint Chiefs?

How many of these quizzes have you ever taken, email or blogs, in your net-surfing career?: I few. My buddy Jon hooks me up.
On a scale of banana to zebra, banana being "pink polka-dotted slippers" and zebra being "WTF?", how surreal would a guy taking a shower in a tub full of brightly coloured wrenches and monochromatic cat toys be?: What kind of a maniac would pose a question like that?

Have any pets?: No. I'm a loner, a rebel. Animals don't understand my complexity.

If yes on 20, what is the silliest thing you have seen them do?: I do know someone who has a cat that always hisses at bugs. I kind of like that cat.

You think Karnov should have ended this quiz 20 questions ago?: Affirmative.
Ever Play 20 Questions?: With myself?

Think I get bored on my lunch breaks?: I'm never bored in the corps. Every meal's a banquet, every formation's a parade.

Who would win in a fight between Mr. T, Chuck Norris, and that giant robot from that one goofy Beastie Boys Video?: I don't know, but I'm pretty sure that I could take them all on. It would be game over for them 'cuz I've got my trusty M41A Pulse Rifle.
Could you conceivably use a Terrabyte Harddisk?: I think Bishop has one of those. I think that he said that he keeps his subroutine macros on it.
HAH! HAH! I ACTUALLY HAVE A 28th QUESTION!!1! (Unfortunately it is more of a statement): Congratulations. I have a gun.

Paper or Plastic?: Plastic. Paper wears out, but plastic's there forever, man.

Who will you tag to take this quiz next (Pick 1-5)?: Deadfool, Dr, Sprok and Wedgie.

Challenge the #6

2006-03-13T19:55:00.000-06:00

Thought I forgot about these? Not a chance, civilian. My sixth challenge is to be awarded a Certificate of Appreciation from the Joint Chiefs.

Oh yeah, done. It's totally awesome, too, because it's worth 3 promotion points. So if, er, when I am a corporal, that'll be 3 closer to sergeant.

That makes me victorious at 5 challenges out of 6; in some ways I totally rule.

Tune in soon for my 7th challenge.

An Important Address from The Queen

2006-02-27T07:25:00.000-06:00

Greetings citizens of the galaxy, I am pleased to be speaking to you once again.

First, I wanted to give everyone an update on Our struggles against the forces of Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord. The Joint Chiefs have just informed me that just last week, a mission against one of Galactor’s middle managers was successful. Between last week’s triumph and the recent victory on Planet Hel, much of Galactor’s financial backbone has been crippled.

While I cannot go into details on last week’s accomplishment, I can tell you about the accomplishments on Hel. Galactor’s Edifice of Evil has been annexed by several development corporations and turned into luxury condos. I know that insurgents continue to cause trouble on the planet, but rest assured the military has things well under control. To that I will only add: mission accomplished.

There is one other thing that I wanted to talk about. My advisors have advised me that I am not connecting with the common beings of the galaxy. They have further counseled Me that a personal story would allow people to feel closer to Me.

OK, so here goes, when I was young girl, my father King Galacton IX, was a busy man but he cared for His family very much. Despite the fact that he had sovereignty over the known galaxy, he still wanted to be sure that his little girl had a happy birthday.

I had made it very clear that the only thing that I wanted for My birthday was a Vandorian weissponig. Everyone knows that weissponigs are a very rare, very special animal. They have a beautiful white coat, they are smart and can learn many tricks, and their perspiration can be harvested as a fragrance or for medicinal purposes. Few people can afford to see one, let alone own one.

Again, I made it very clear that the only thing I wanted for My birthday was a weissponig. I was a young girl and I was very boisterous and impetuous and my father said several times that it was impossible to get one. I don’t want to say that I had a fit or anything, but I was very saddened and I let him know it.

He spent many days up to My birthday assuring me that I could never get one, but lo and behold, on that bright morning, when I woke up, there it was lying next to me. It was the most beautiful white little weissponig I’ve ever seen.

I named her Princess and we had lots of fun together. We spent the whole summer running through meadows, sharing picnic lunches and spending every waking minute together. Eventually, fall passed and winter came and then I got a new pair of rocket skates. Everyone knows that a weissponig can’t ice skate, so my time with her decreased.

So that is the story of My first pet. I sometimes wonder whatever happened to her, though I am quite certain that she moved on to a new and happy home.

One final word. I have put Myself on the blogosphere in order to make Myself more accessible and understood in a personal way. If you have any questions, please feel free to leave them here or at My own blog and I assure you they will be answered.

Thank you and have a pleasant day.

I am Tagged

2006-02-20T09:47:00.000-06:00

If you were to ghost write Deadpool's autobiography, what would you name it?

Deadpool: Destrucity

If Simon Cowell were to ask you to help takeover France with Deadpool and himself, would you accept?

Yes, I'm ready, man, check it out. I am the ultimate badboy! State of the badboy art! You do NOT want to mess with me. Check it out! Hey Simon, don't worry. Me and my squad of ultimate badboys will protect you! Check it out! Independently targeting particle beam phalanx. Whoa! Fry half a city with this puppy. We got tactical smart missiles, phase-plasma pulse rifles, RPGs, we got sonic electronic ball breakers! We got nukes, we got knives, sharp sticks...

On a scale of 50-100, with 50 being mind blowing and 100 being drooling the Nile river, how would you rate Bea Arthur?

Bea Arthur ain't my type. My kind of lady loves doing pullups and can fire a smart gun.

If you were to appear on Deadpool's show, who would you play?

Private Hudson, the man tasked with saving the world and getting the girl, and he's only got 24 hours to do it.

List 5 ways to improve tacos.

1. Put it in an MRE.
2. Put it into a toothpaste tube and make it space food.
3. Have the autochef dispense it.
4. Keep it away from bugs.
5. Put chocolate on it, because sometimes a guy's just gotta have chocolate.

Would you die for Deadpool?

If he were my commanding officer and he gave the order, yes. Otherwise, no.

Do you find Cable's eyes dreamy?

Yes, they're so thick and powerful. Wait did you say thighs?

Oh yeah, I tag Cable.

I'm the Duke, too!

2006-02-10T10:19:00.000-06:00

Just like my buddy, Jon. I'm tough, but charming. I'm so charming, evidently, that I'm off the scale. It must've broke or something.

John Wayne and I are very much alike, we're both men's men and we both distribute justice with a gun and a horse. His gun is a six shooter and his horse is a stallion. My gun is an M41A Pulse Rifle and my horse is a 4-ton APC.

John Wayne
You scored 54% Tough, 9% Roguish, 28% Friendly, and 9% Charming!

You, my friend, are a man's man, the original true grit, one tough talking, swaggering son of a bitch. You're not a bad guy, on the contrary, you're the ultimate good guy, but you're one tough character, rough and tumble, ready for anything. You call the shots and go your own way, and if some screwy dame is willing to accept your terms, that's just fine by you. Otherwise, you'll just hit the open trail and stay true to yourself. You stand up for what you believe and can handle any situation, usually by rushing into the thick of the action. You're not polished and you're not overly warm, but you're a straight shooter and a real stand up guy. Co-stars include Lauren Bacall and Maureen O'Hara, tough broads who can take care of themselves.

Find out what kind of classic dame you'd make by taking the Classic Dames Test.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 95% on Tough

You scored higher than 22% on Roguish

You scored higher than 48% on Friendly

You scored higher than 6% on Charming

Link: The Classic Leading Man Test written by gidgetgoes on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Ok, how about an update?

2006-02-08T11:02:00.000-06:00

I haven't been updating this blog for a while. I've been busy, the Commandant of the Colonial Marines promoted me and gave me a squad to lead.

So we're going on a top secret mission, the details of which are obviously classified. Nonetheless, my chronicles of this mission can be found elsewhere on the Internet.

There are further details as well. One of the members of my squad is a police officer named Lenina Huxley. I don't want to jinx anything, but I think that she kind of likes me.

She has this cute little way of making snorting noises whenever she laughs. Some people may say that it's a bit trite or way overdone, but I think that it's very charming. Maybe someday soon I will make her laugh.

So I guess that's all I have for this update. All of my fans out there, make sure you have 95 rounds for your M41A Pulse Rifle and keep your powder dry.

Called Before the Commadant?

2006-01-30T10:10:00.000-06:00

I just got orders to report to the Commandant of the Colonial Marines. I wonder what the he would want with me.

Maybe he wants me to tell him about that time I totally killed all those Xenomorphs.

Or maybe he wants me to tell him about the time I saved the Queen from an attack by Galactor while she was visiting Earth.

Or maybe he wants me to tell him about the time that I totally kicked Evil Hudson's butt.

One thing's for sure, I have to look my best. I have to comb my hair, polish my boots and make sure my gig line is straight. The General is going to see the best of the best when the H-Man steps through the doors to his office.

Mural, Mural, on the Wall

2006-01-27T09:03:00.000-06:00

OK, check it out, Vampirella tagged me with this image game. Here are the rules as posted by the Ben.Run:

This tag is based on the idea of a wall mural. We start with a plain brick wall and people add something to it and pass it on. What you draw on is up to you. It can be related to your web-site. Preferably include your web-site URL in it. Each drawing does not have to be isolated from other peoples ones, overlapping images will look good. Try to use about 10% of the area.

The image is 400×300 and is a PNG file. Save the file to your computer and add in your artwork and post on your blog. Then tag other people to do the same. It is preferable to leave the file as PNG file rather tan convert to JPG otherwise the quality is going to suffer over multiple edits.

OK, tag history:

1. ben.run
2. Vampirella
3. Private Hudson

And who am I gonna tag? None other than my favorite bug-faced gun nut, Deadpool. Hey, Deady, game over! Ha ha ha!

I'm who?!!!

2006-01-25T09:40:00.000-06:00

You scored as Cyclops. Cyclops is the team leader of the X-Men, and a skilled one at that. He loves Jean Grey very much. He's a strict and sometimes uptight leader, but he believes in his cause and he knows what he's fighting for... Peace between Mutants and Humans. Powers: Optic blasts

Cyclops

40%

Storm

20%

Wolverine

20%

Iceman

20%

Jean Grey

Nightcrawler

Beast

Colossus

Gambit

Rogue

Emma Frost

Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

You know, I can't believe that I scored as this guy, he's a total whiny wuss bag. Everytime there's trouble he's all like "Oh Jean, save me!" and "What do we do now, Professor?" You don't see me whining when the situation goes bad, no sir.

Anyway, I guess it kind of fits because he's the leader, and I'm a leader in the Colonial Marines. I mean, sure, I'm only a private, but when the crap hits the turbine, I'm the guy everyone turns to.

I guess having those optic blasts would be kind of neat, too.

Challenge #5, If I was supposed to do a Meme, the Colonial Marines would've issued me one.

2006-01-24T08:29:00.000-06:00

Jon picked me for this Meme thing. Let me show you how we do it in the Corps.

Four Jobs You’ve Had In Your Life
Colonial Marine
Colonial Marine
Colonial Marine
Paper boy

Four Places You’ve Lived
Born and raised in Texas
Boot camp at Camp Ermey
Stationed on the Sulaco
TDY aboard Galaxy One

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch
Big Bug Hunter
Bug Winkleman Hunting Show
Anything on History Channel
Gomer Pyle, USCM

Four Places You’ve Been On Vacation
Gateway Station
Fiorina 161
Arcturos
Earth

Four Blogs You Visit Daily
Intergalactic Gladiator
Lt. Cdr. Oneida
Vampirella
Mr. Sprok

Four Of Your favorite Foods
C-Rations ham and lima
MRE ham and turkey loaf
Autochef steak and potatoes paste
Mars bar

Four Places You’d Rather Be
Arcturos
Anywhere but LV-426

Four Albums You Can’t Live Without
Cadences of the Colonial Marines
Songs of the Colonial Marines -- The Colonial Marine Marching Band
Stay Frosty -- The Colonial Marine Honor Guard Choir
The Ballad of the Green Beret -- Sgt. Barry Sadler

Four Vehicles You’ve Owned
The Colonial Marines never issued me a vehicle, though I am qualified to operate the APC, Power Loader, Stinger XT-37 and Hovertread

Four People To Be Tagged
My X gal, Ranae
Totally hot senator babe Padme
White hot White Queen
Hottie hot vampire Vampirella

Challenge #4, Have a toy made in my likeness

2006-01-23T14:17:00.000-06:00

I'm ready, man, check this out. I am the ultimate badass! State of the badass art! You do NOT want to eff with me. Check it out! I've got my trusty M41A Pulse Rifle and a spring-loaded bazooka that shoots plastic dumbells at the Xenomorph.

Hey everybody, don't worry, that metal brace on my arm is just the stedicam for the super sonic electronic ball breaker tactical nuke bazooka. That thing ain't no bionic arm -- my arm is as good as it's ever been. You better believe me when I say that the "Scorpion Alien" doesn't stand a chance against the H-Man. Say it with me: "Game over."

Alright, so the likeness isn't perfect. It's pretty good at capturing my rugged good looks and my "war face," though, so I'll let the inconsistencies in my uniform and pulse rifle slide.

OK, any of you H-Man Fans got a toy made of you? Sound off like you gotta pair! Ha ha!

Intergalactic Date-A-Palooza

2006-01-20T12:33:00.000-06:00

Hey, I went to the Intergalactic Date-A-Palooza, I think that I did pretty well there.

You can check it out Right here.

Good Hudson vs. Evil Hudson

2006-01-17T06:01:00.000-06:00

Continued from here.

Evil Hudson and I squared off against one another and fired our weapons.

The walls behind us erupted from the gunfire, steam pipes ruptured, windows shattered, but neither of us fell down. We both fired again, but for some reason we both completely missed each other again. I guess deep down in my brain, I just couldn't shoot a guy as handsome as that.

We charged each other and swung our fists. Our fists collided.

"Oww!" we cried out in unison.

We swung again. This time, I connected with his jaw and he with mine.

"Yoww!" we both howled as we stumbled back.

"Hey Hudson," he mocked. "Have you ever been mistaken for a man?"

"No, have you?" I retorted. That'll show him.

We grabbed each other by the throats and started spinning around the room. Neither he nor I could get an advantage. It was as if he was an exact Mirror Universe duplicate of me.

We pushed each other away.

"Game over for you, pal!" we said to each other at the same time.

"Nuh uh," I said. "It's game over for you."

"No way, man," he responded. "Game over for you!"

We both kicked and hit each other's kicking leg. We swung again and missed.

I had to think of something, we were too evenly matched.

While swinging and dodging, I had an idea. I know the H-Man is all about the ladies, so I figure that I know what an evil version of myself would be like. We wrapped up again and I held him close to me and kissed him full on the lips.

Evil Hudson gagged and pulled back.

"I love you, Evil Hudson," I said.

"Oh man, that's sick!" he spat. "Queering doesn't make the universe work!"

He pushed back away from me and stumbled into the hot steam from a ruptured pipe.

He screamed in pain and stumbled away.

Challenge #3, Part 2, Taking up the good fight

2006-01-12T11:18:00.000-06:00

So there I was, man, in the cockpit of Jon's ship the Danger Sled. I was itching for some action, but we were waiting in the launchbay of another ship ready to be fired at Planet Hel -- where the evil portal was sitting. I was all strapped in and I couldn't get up to do push ups or nothin'.

Jon was yappin' away with the technomage. I have no idea what that guy does, but he seems weird, man. Something about his character class I guess. I'm not into magic at all and I was never much for science, so mixing the two seems too far out there to me. I'm not prejudiced or nothing, I just prefer the company of the fighter classes, like Valkyrie, Paladin and Colonial Marine, you know?

We got the signal, Jon shouts "Time to rock!" and we launch.

Wooooo! This has got to the fastest launch that I've ever been in.

"We're on an express elevator to Hel, going down!"

Challenge #3, Save the Galaxy

2006-01-11T08:39:00.000-06:00

My third challenge, Issued by the Queen of the Galaxy herself, is to go with Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator to the Edifice of Evil, vanquish Evil Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator, prevent further incursion into our galaxy, destroy the portal to the Mirror Universe, beat Galactor's minions and end the Evil Galactic Overlord's reign of terror once and for all.

Think I can't do it? Heh, all in a day's work for the H-Man.

Game over for Galactor's forces.

Edit:
Vampirella can't get enough of the H-Man. Oh yeah. Check it out.

Check this out

2006-01-05T11:43:00.000-06:00

Oh yeah, ladies, the Sexy Name Decoder does not lie. I especially like how it says that I hunger for overwhelming necking, because I do.

Credit for this from Mr. Sprok.

Challenge #2, Dance Dance Revolution

2006-01-04T09:27:00.000-06:00

I didn't want to do this. I didn't feel right beating a woman, no matter the competition. My dad always taught me to treat chicks with respect.

The challenge was sent though, and my manhood was questioned. Can you believe that? Vampirella and Lt. Commander Oneida dared to question my manliness.

Now, normally, I'm not going to let a couple of women yuck it up at my expense -- even two hot little numbers like them. But I felt that I had something to prove. Oneida's been riding my tail since that time we went out on a date.

Remind me to tell you about that sometime.

So, we're ready to Dance Dance, she's standing on her platform, I on mine. The machine counted down to go and the music started.

I danced my highly-toned butt off, but every time I stole a glance over at my adversary, there she was moving with speed and grace that words cannot describe. The song continued and I stomped on the glowing footpads, but she seemed to be a fraction of a step ahead. As if some mystical force was pushing her on, she stepped and slid and hopped without breaking a sweat.

The song continued and using the cuff of my utility shirt, I wiped beads of sweat from my forehead, Oneida's hair bounced like gossamer held aloft by invisible angels.

I danced. She danced. If we could give a percentage more into the competition, the machine itself would crumble away into a smoking heap.

We were almost done, sweat was pouring from my forehead. Determination and concentration furled Onedia's brow, but she did not sweat. As if she were the personification of some antiperspirant commercial, she refused to let us see her sweat.

I exhaled deeply, I stomped the lights, I danced with as much grace as I could, but with one false move, I stepped on the wrong light. I could not regain my composure and as the song ended, so did my chances at victory.

The song ended, I collapsed onto the railing, she heaved out a gigantic lungful of air and fell backwards into the waiting arms of the many people watching. I crumpled into a heap onto the floor, an exhausted, sweaty mess as Lt. Commander Onedia was raised up onto people's arms.

The crowd began to sing.

"We are the champions, my friend. And We'll keep on fighting 'til the end!"

I looked up with a pained smile. It was close, so close. I looked down at my feet, maybe next time I won't wear combat boots.

Game over.

Challenge #1. My Certs Encounter

2005-12-30T15:32:00.000-06:00

Dear Certs,

Let me tell you about my latest Certs Encounter.

I issued a formal challenge of combat to anyone willing to accept recently and the offer was quickly taken up by a Klingon named Commander Klang.

"Private Hudson, I accept your challenge on behalf of the honor of the Klingon Empire. We shall fight in hand-to-hand combat."

"I accept your challenge," I answered. "Let us then begin." I raised my fists in the proper fisticuffs fashion, as described by the Queen's Rules of Boxing.

"Oh I am afraid that you will not be fighting me," he laughed. "You will be fighting my prize pet -- the Mugato!"

The Mugato! One of the most feared animals in all the galaxy. A strong biped simian similar to Earth gorillas, the creature also sports a dangerous horn on its head, razor sharp spines on its back and a poisonous bite. But the challenge was issued, and so combat ensued.

I was unable to match strength with my feral enemy, and it quickly had the upper hand. It beat its chest and pummeled me mercilessly as I endeavored to avoid his deadly bite. I would not hold up for long against this foe, unless I could think of something and fast!

Quickly, I reached into the cargo pocket of my utilities and pulled out my Certs brand breath freshener. After popping one in my mouth, I felt instantly refreshed!

Quickly, I seized the opportunity and ripped the monster's arm off. I then beat the stupid beast into submission with his own arm. I am not sure how Certs helped me do this, but I'm sure glad it did!

Thank you Certs,

Signed

Private Hudson.

PS Game over for Mugato!

Let me just explain exactly how bad I am.

2005-12-28T13:19:00.000-06:00

It's a simple equation, really.

PVT. Hudson + An enemy = Game Over

I am the culmination of intense training and the right tools and I am a deadly Colonial Marine weapon with a razor-sharp tip. Just point my head at the enemy and let me go!

To prove how tough I am, I am willing to challenge anybody out there in any competition. But be warned, I have the strength of an Olympic weightlifter, the endurance of a marathon runner, and the tenacity of a Zergelian Pittbull. When I get my prey in my jaws, I don't let go. Game over for my prey. Game over.

I'll even let my opponent decide what we will compete with, be it fencing, marksmanship, running, or judo. The H-Man conquers all.

Like I said, I will take on all comers, with only a couple exceptions:

1. Nothing with flying. I'm a grunt, not some fancy pants flyboy.
2. No super humans or meta powered humans. That would be unfair, pitting me against someone with super strength or vast mental powers.
3. No chicks. Yeah, I dig all the women, but I just don't feel right beating them up.
4. No Xenomorphs. I am not scared of aliens, I just don't want some slimy bug spitting acid blood all over my nice utilities.
5. No giant bugs. Really, how am I going to compete against some ugly bug?
6. No tricks where you say "OK, it'll be just you and me" and then all your buddies jump in and tackle me and stuff. Totally unfair.
7. No human luge competition. Man, that just looks stupid. I'm not doing that.
8. No rubbing absinthe on your boxing gloves to knock me out in the middle of the bout.
9. No giant robots or cyborgs. Again, that would be unfair. A robot would have an unnatural advantage.
10. NO BUGS. I am not fighting bugs. Do not bring bugs, do not talk about bugs, do not even think the word bug.

So there you have it. That's my challenge. Many are called, few are chosen. Who wants the honor of taking on the H-MAN?

Yeah.

Cripes, it's cold out there!

2005-12-23T11:41:00.000-06:00

Holy cow, I'm freezing my well-defined butt off here. Merry Christmas to everyone from the H-Man, though.

I'm not evil, I'm "twisted"

2005-12-20T03:33:00.000-06:00

I was talking to my good buddy Mr. Sprok, and he suggested that I take the evil quiz. Well, here are my results:

How evil are you?

I guess that I'm like the Diet Coke of evil or something. I don't know. I think that the quiz just assumes someone is evil because his weapon of choice is a gun. Well that's crap 'cuz some of us use a gun to protect the colonies and hunt bugs. Game over for you, Internet evil quiz!

To All the Girls I've Loved Before

2005-12-16T12:01:00.000-06:00

The H-Man sings an ode to many of the ladies that he's loved before.
Point your M41A Web Browser right here.
Don't worry ladies, I am currently unattached. Oh yeah, game over.

Starship Troopers

2005-11-28T12:28:00.000-06:00

Click here for my review of the movie Starship Troopers.

Game over, man

2005-11-21T06:00:00.000-06:00

You maybe haven't been keeping up on current events but we just got our asses kicked, pal!

Which case should Hudson take?
	Who let the dogs out?
	Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar
	Who stole Christmas?
	Why do waitresses at diners always call you "honey?"

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